Homonymphobia

Life throws up so many trends and styles these days that we've ran out of words to describe them. The result is that other normal day-to-day phrases are under fire, nay, being bummed by the hippety-hop definitions that have now been attributed to them. Of course, in our wonderful world dominated by sex, drugs and wanky pop "punk" (and who the shitting shit are +44?), they only really tend to carry those themes. Well, not wanky pop "punk" (seriously though, who the shitting shit?).

Below is five of these which have been popular of late.

Waxing lyrical

Singing whilst engaging in sexual intercourse with a candle.

Ant 'n' Dec

Literally "Ant on Deck", by which "Deck" means "penis" and "Ant" means "ant". A major trend, apparently.

Kill two birds with one stone

The male gets catastrophically spliffed up, has sex with two women (or ducks) then murders them. A niche market.

Boning

Simulating sex with a laboratory skeleton that is dressed like Bono whilst eating Bonio dog treats, listening to Radiohead's "The Bends", watching an ongoing crime series featuring David Boreanaz and wearing clothing similar to Dr. Leonard McCoy of Star Trek fame. Widely practised in the Home Counties.

B.B.C.

Ingesting a dose of amphetamines, then taking Mandrax (or Ritalin) and closing by smoking cannabis. Supposedly makes you more racist and, strangely, London-centric.

Is your child doing it? Or your gran? Or you, accidentally, as a slave to trends?