It's OFFICIAL!

Yes! The Germans in El Twad HQ have been up all night using their "Baby's First Science Kit" (not to be confused with "Baby's First Scientology Kit" which is far more expensive), and after several über-tests (which only Germans can perform, might I add) - two things have been discovered that will shock the world.

1. Hartlepool is at least 1,000 times better than Darlington; not the previous 400 as once thought
2. The centre of the universe has finally been placed: once thought to be an unknown given that the entire universe is expanding at all places equally, it is finally found to be at Port Clarence, Teesport. A government diagram for this natural phenomena has been unearthed and is displayed below.