Good evening, faithful reader. As you may be aware, there's been something of a financial cock-up over in America which, according to our fearless leader, has nothing to do with the Labour party.
Everyone's a bit skint now, and the pawn shop won't give us owt for the Twaddlebot, so we're having to cut costs a little.
All of which explains why The Bollocks is now scribbled on the side of an old cardboard box our Germans found out the back of Aldi.
It's a bit dusty nowadays here at The Twaddle HQ (off the A19, five minutes' walk from Gunpoint). We should never have left the Twaddlebot in charge without teaching it basic housekeeping skills. Or at least giving it an MP3 of I Want To Break Free.
To be fair, it probably wouldn't've done any housework even if it knew how: it's a right lazy get. So to save it the effort of having to hammer out a website every time some chump stumbles upon El Twad, we bought it a hamster. Called Blogger.
Blogger's a chirpy little bugger—she runs round in her wheel all day, generating a whopping 1.21 gigawatts of electricity. And we use Blogger to power The Bollocks. We've... kind of... integrated her into the Twaddlebot... sort of like the Megazord. We wouldn't've thought you could connect a hamster to a bag of old ZX Spectrum bits either, but as it happens, you can.
Yeah. “The Bollocks”. 'Cos we just realised (about three-and-a-half years too late) that “The Bollocks” would've been a better name than “The Twaddle”, (particularly given the reason we had to change it from “This Wasn't A Tree” in the first place (there's history (also, an apostrophe inside double brackets looks quite rude... ((')) ...yeah))), so we're using the name here instead. Sneaky, eh?
Anyhow, we've now got this new Twaddlebot/Blogger combination—“Blogglebot”? “Twaddleblog”? “Twbloddgleberot”?—running the show. Which is great! The ...Twaddggerblot... is far more efficient than it used to be—even our Germans are impressed. Not wanting to be outdone, they've been Twad Brew-ing at double-speed—Doppeltstärketwadbrau, they call it. Let's just hope the Twaddlebot (those other names sounded far too Welsh) doesn't start invading Poland or anything... that'd be unfortunate. And really politically incorrect.
We begin The Bollocks, uncannily enough, with a compendium of Failed Spin-offs.
