Dirty Sods

Remember when punk was the Sex Pistols? & Buzzcocks? & Siouxsie and the Banshees? Nope, neither do I—I was born in 1985. But I'm aware of the fact that this was once the case.

I've seen too many TV cock-up clip-shows not to know about when the Sex Pistols went on Bill Grundy's mild-mannered daytime chat show (with Siouxsie Sioux among their entourage) and used a naughty word. Then, prompted by a none-too-sober Grundy, used it again.

The nation was shocked, appalled and outraged at these nasty, rebellious punks with their brightly-coloured, stupidly-shaped hairstyles. “God Save The Queen” did dirty things with the top of the charts (which, at the time, meant something), despite—or perhaps partly thanks to—being banned by the BBC and all self-respecting broadcast institutions (which, at the time, included ITV).

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Fast-forward twenty-odd years: wanky pop bands like Fall Out Boy and +44 jump up and down a lot, make vacant-looking faces and use the odd swear-word in an effort to distance themselves from their prospective fans' parents' sensibilities. (& occasionally name themselves after countries' international telephone dialling codes.)

“Omfg loool”, the kids say to their friends; “there well cool”. And so—apathy of “there” versus “their” versus “they're” aside (the former is easiest to type)—the kids become enamored by the wanky pop “punk” bands and buy their records. Or download them, or something. But then they buy their hoodies. Upshot: wanky pop bands get money, fame and all the hair gel they could ever want.

Hooray for cynical marketing!

And I have proof (or evidence at least) that this is just cynical, child-embezzling, marketing spiel designed to line the pockets of the music cabal: The Honda Civic Tour.

The Honda—fucking—Civic—fucking—Tour! (The previous sentence was an attempt to express my incredulity at the entire concept; this sentence is an acknowledgement that it probably failed.)

Now, it may be funkily styled and actually look quite cool; the young-uns of today may actually be buying them in droves; & it may even give your granddad a little fright the first time he sees one; but it's still a fucking Honda Civic. Rebellious it is not. Honda are no free-spirited, authority-eschewing, The Man-it-to-sticking automotive Guy Fawkeses.

I'd even be so bold as to say that they are The Man.

And that where self-proclaimed “punk” bands should be sticking it to The Man, instead they're playing a series of bloody concerts paid for, organised by, & advertising The Man. And that they should have the piss taken out of them for doing so. So:

Aaaaaahahaha! ...Pillocks.

(Hey, let's just ignore the fact that the Pistols have recently performed on many a mainstream late-night American chat show to promote their current attempted come-back, shall we? Or at least let them off this once—even punk legends have to pay for the electric.)

Channel 4 news presenter uses the F-word at lunchtime

Earlier today, on one of the many fifty-twelve–inch plasma TVs we have knocking about at The Twaddle HQ, I was watching Channel 4 News at Noon, presented by Krishnan “1990s Newsround Legend” Guru-Murthy.

The final item was about “many” employers having employed (lolpunlol) software filters to restrict their workers' access to Facebook and other such “social networking” sites. Their “reason” (read “excuse”) is that these sites “distract” workers.

Now, any way you look at it, employers who filter access to Facebook are admitting to being really, really shit.

• Maybe their recruitment and firing method is so far from the mark that they end up with the vast majority of their workforce being inherently lazy.
• Perhaps the work their employees are being told to do is soul-sapping, life-draining and tedious beyond redemption.

Hmmm.

• It could be that their discipline procedures are so shite that the employees can't be trusted to forgo using a website when they're told to, even on penalty of sacking.

(Though, to be fair, that last point probably boils down to one of the other two.)

Clearly, the employees aren't using Facebook because they're bored by their work, unmotivated and uninspired, and have an unfulfilling job—that they hate—at which their bosses treat them like children. That couldn't be it. Nope. Definitely not the case there. Boy, would I look foolish if I suggested that!

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At the end of the programme, as usual, Krishnan looked down to his laptop. I detected a glimmer of a wry smile.

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Oh, yeah—the “F-word” is F******k.