Scenes from advertisements that everybody should hate with a passion #4

See if you can spot where this one goes all implausible:

1. Man waits in rain.
2. Woman arrives.
3. Man and woman greet each other awkwardly.
4. Man leads woman through rain to car.
5. Car pulls away.
6. Woman compliments car.
7. Car stops.
8. Man proposes to woman.
9. Woman accepts proposal.
10. Woman and man exit car together.
11. Voiceover man interjects:

The new Kia cee'd with a 7-year warranty—now that's a quality commitment.

See how the voiceover bloke is cleverly ambiguous as to whether he meant a commitment to quality, or a commitment that is itself “quality”?

The latter applies to the jovial little tale depicted in the advert, but the former also relates the company's dedication to being really rather marvellous.

“Lol!” an advertising executive exclaims. “That's both affably witty and expresses our dedication to being really rather marvellous! The punters—sorry, our community will love it! Hooray for us!”

Enter the literary foil of an ardent customer within earshot: “Hang on a minute. That's just a tenuous pun—equally, you're likening the car to a risky, life-altering, poorly thought-out, spur-of-the-moment promise.”

“Stfu! ...Sir.” retorts the bigwig.

“And what's with the stupid name? —all lowercase, superfluous apostrophe... Are you trying to look painfully trendy? ...so that a couple of months after buying it, the owner will try to hack the name off the back and thus invalidate the seven-year warranty?”

“We r veh modrn!!” insists the ad-man.

“Besides, do you really want to depict a woman agreeing to marry a man she's just met, mere moments after covering herself with his cee'd?”

The Kia cee'd—now that's a rash decision.

Scenes from advertisements that everybody should hate with a passion #3

Gloria Hunniford. You bitch.

AXA Guaranteed Over 50 Plan really takes the biscuit as well as your gran's money. I hate the tables of funeral costs that they propose, saying the average funeral costs will be well into £2,500 by 2010, just to make sure that you'll feel guilty enough after you die to buy your own coffin and spend cash on church rental costs.

Hell, why don't they extend their welcome gift policy?

1. What about this beautiful carriage clock, with built in personalised death timer?
2. Perhaps £30 in gift vouchers for Rob' Hardware Store to buy speciality rope or knives only?
3. Or this DVD player worth up to TWENTY POUNDS with this free DVD, Kill Yourself Now and Get Your Hard Earned Money to Your Kids to Bury You ASAP with Gloria Hunniford

Sounds more true to AXA's intentions to me!

Scenes from advertisements that everybody should hate with a passion #2

"You've got a frieeeeennnnd!" muses a friendly-looking bearded chap at the end of the AA's advertisement showing their legion of yellow-coated engineers around the country engaging in Krypton Factor-esque treks to solve car problems. The main bloke's got a good voice too. The advert's a little weird, but largely bearable. What's the problem with it, then?

I have no problem with the AA's adverts - no problem, that is, if they had them without that idiot with the icicles on his beard. He looks like he just doesn't care. It's physically impossible to get icicles on your beard. I certainly wouldn't like a Yeti lookalike servicing my car should it break down. I hate him - irrational, I know - but I hope you look at the image below, or on your screens, and repeat the exact phrase on said image as I do every time I see his miserable icy face. He's an idiot, and winds me up no end.

Scenes from advertisements that everybody should hate with a passion #1

"SOLAR POWERED KILLING SHEEP!"

Oh my God, I can't begin to tell you, young girl, about how much I hate your unfunny, "alternative" view on great inventions on the government-paid advert for teaching or whatever. So many schoolchildren came up with interesting ideas before you in the ad - what the hell would such an invention create in our modern world aside from your moronic laugh?

I hope that, someday, I get a doctorate in Ruminant Quadraped Studies with Advanced Bioengineering and Renewable Energy so I can build one of these creatures, lock you in a barn with it and see if you feel it was a worthy decision to let somebody take your idea and turn it into reality.